


runs in the family

by certifiedcatboy



Series: blood is thicker than water, and for what? [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, M/M, Suicide, don't ask me if i'm okay because I'm Not!, tadashi finds his mom's dead body because she committed suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29363055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certifiedcatboy/pseuds/certifiedcatboy
Summary: tadashi was on his way home from school with kei when they realized the front door was locked. that's weird. so tadashi breaks into his own home, and never lives to regret another decision more.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: blood is thicker than water, and for what? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2156949
Kudos: 22





	runs in the family

**Author's Note:**

> in case you didn't catch the tags, major trigger warning for graphic depictions of suicide by hanging. tadashi lowkey has a panic attack as well, i guess.

It was probably... 4PM that day as Tsukki was walking me home. It wasn't hot out; the slight breeze on the air made sure of that. The crunchy auburn leaves that littered the sidewalk and roads felt welcome in this weather, and I watched them blow around with a simple and amused expression on my face. I was just about to turn 13, and I'd known Tsukki since we were both 11. Two years had gone by fast, both *too* fast and not fast enough. We were just kids though, so time didn't mean there to us. 

We chit-chatted about volleyball, what with it being our main shared interest. I liked some video games, and Tsukki liked his academics. He was better at English than I was, for sure. He helped me out a lot though, so it was okay! In the end… I mostly played volleyball for a way to make friends and have fun. I didn't learn why Tsukki played until we were in high school a few years later.

As we rounded a corner and arrived at my house, I got to the door and felt my shaky hands grip the handle. I jiggled it; no luck. "Mum doesn't usually lock the door…" I muttered, glancing back to Tsukki. We had planned to hang out at my place for a while so we could study; and I wasn't gonna let some locked door stop that. 

Thinking quickly, I looked around and pointed to the slightly opened bathroom window. It was on the second floor, which was too high for me to reach alone. But Tsukki knew what I wanted and lifted me with no hesitation, allowing me to stand on his shoulders. I shot up by about five and a half feet, feeling my legs wobble beneath me as I dropped my backpack to the ground with a soft thud.

Hesitantly, I pushed off Tsukki, grabbing onto the window and holding on for dear life. He stared up with a hint of concern gracing his features, and he pushed up his glasses. "Be careful, Tadashi." He called, pulling his phone out. "I'll have 911 on speed-dial, so don't worry about it… but still, watch yourself." I ended up tuning out the rest of his words as I shoved the window open more, more, and more… until finally, I could fit through. I wriggled my small frame through, landing on my head and letting out a pained groan. 

"I'm okay!" I called down, sticking my head through again to grin reassuringly at Tsukki. He scoffed and nodded, motioning for me to go unlock the door. Quickly, I made my way out of the bathroom and down the hallway. But before I could get to the stairs, I noticed my mom's study was open. She rarely left the door open; I guess because I was known for being clumsy, and she had lots of important stuff in there for me to mess up by accident.

I pushed the door open a bit more, figuring she'd become engrossed in her work and that was why she'd left the door locked. My eyes scanned the room as I walked in; the birchwood desk over to the left was littered with papers, most of which were singed from fire. Fire? Why was her stuff burned? She took such good care of it… 

I noticed that her chair had been pulled away from her desk, and my eyes immediately tore from the desk to the center of the room. That was when fear and panic gripped my body. I felt myself open my mouth but no sound registered. All I heard was a ringing in my ears as I collapsed to my knees.

There, I saw my mother hanging from the ceiling by a rope noose. Her body was frail and white like porcelain, except her eyes which bugged out and contrasted the limpness of her body alarmingly. Her hands hung by each of her sides, and I could see blood on her fingertips and under her nails. Blood was dripping down her neck, as well; it looked like she had struggled, trying to claw the rope from her neck, as there were cuts that looked frenzied and roughly the size of her nails. The chair was laying on its side beneath her, but I guess she didn't kick it out properly, otherwise, her neck would have snapped and she wouldn't have had time to struggle. 

The thought of her hanging there, asphyxiating, clawing erratically to undo this fatal choice… it wracked my body with nausea, and I felt myself begin to throw up. I began to sob loudly, punching the ground before me and wailing as if it would bring her back. As if maybe, if I cried enough, it'd be revealed that my only living family member *wasn't* actually dead and it was just a sick prank. 

I had forgotten all about Tsukki until I heard police sirens outside. They barely registered in my brain, and I mostly filtered them out as white noise to be ignored. Then the cops came bursting into the room, Tsukishima in tow. He looked panicked, and instantly his eyes widened with fear when he saw me and my mother. I felt his skinny arms wrap around my shaking frame from behind, and I only bawled harder at the contact.

I tried speaking his name but to no avail. There was a policeman who pried Tsukki away from me, forcibly carrying him out. A different policeman picked *me* up as well, although I kicked and screamed and protested until he looked me in the eyes and I knew I couldn't stop him. Reassuringly, he carried me out of the house and left me in the car. Tsukki sat beside me and engulfed me in a tight hug. 

After what seemed like an eternity but was two minutes at most, a kind-looking policewoman got into the vehicle and cast a warm smile back at us. Tsukki glared at her, and I just stared blankly. The image of my mom's body hanging there still flashed before my eyes each time I blinked, and I took great pains to not blink as a result. My mother was never perfect, but she was my mom. 

She tried her best to support me in everything and raised me alone ever since my dad left and she abandoned her family. I really only grew up knowing my grandma, as she was the only good relationship Mum kept over the years. And now my mom was… dead. Why did she kill herself? Was she depressed? She didn't go to therapy… in fact, she refused to see a doctor. She'd had a few outbursts at parent-teacher meetings before, claiming the teachers were pinning my shortcomings on her. 

A handful of times she had become violent towards my teachers, but that hadn't happened in years. Or so I thought. I would later learn my mother never stopped lashing out at my teachers, because she kept feeling victimized and targeted by them.

I didn't even realize what was happening around me as I tried to run through all the possible reasons for my mom to kill herself. Eventually, Tsukishima calling my name snapped me out of my thoughts, and my eyes lazily made their way to his face. 

"Tadashi… the police say I can't come with you." He would mutter, and I felt my already empty and broken heart sink further in my chest. I realized I was at the police station, with its sleek design and shiny doors and tons of tall, muscular cops wandering around. I didn't say anything because I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I threw my arms around Tsukki's waist and buried myself in his chest. He was about half a foot taller than I was, and I felt so safe there. 

But of course, a policeman pried us apart and I felt tears well up in my eyes again. My face burned, and my nose and ears became hot and stingy. I kicked and struggled and tried to call out to my friend, but no sound came out. I didn't want to lose him too, not even temporarily. What if I left him alone and someone walked into the building and shot him? Or what if he hung himself just like Mum did? 

I didn't want us to be apart, and I could tell the policeman holding me got that idea too. He seemed a bit more lenient with his grip on me as we went into a room where he sat me down in a chair, offering me a glass of water. I didn't say anything as he told me his name was Officer Tanaka and that I could relax now.

I don't remember much of the questioning, mostly because I didn't say anything. I was mute for weeks afterwards, and had to learn some basic sign language in order to get by. I was dismissed from school for traumatic experiences and extenuating circumstances, which meant I needed to stay home. I refused to go back to my house alone, though, because I still saw her when I closed my eyes for more than a few seconds. 

Tsukki's family let me stay with them, as they were the closest thing to a family I had. Nobody could find my dad's side of the family, and since both my grandparents were dead, they couldn't claim me either. I was just... the only living Yamaguchi anyone could find. 

During the school days, Tsukki texted me every chance he got. I stayed wherever his mom went, mostly sitting around as I got too shaky to actually provide any substantial help. I could set the table, but that was basically it. She didn't seem to mind, though, and provided me with a never-ending stream of conversation. 

She followed sports for both her sons' sakes so we talked about that sometimes, and she was in good on all the neighborhood gossip- I learned so much about the Tsukishimas' neighbors in my time there… not that I really retained much of it. My memories from then are incredibly hazy. Apparently, that's how trauma tends to work. You repress your traumatic memories, and even ones you didn't directly become traumatized by can disappear too. I didn’t know that. Interesting.


End file.
